New Beginnings

9/11/06-9/14/06 Part 1

First off – travelling on the fifth anniversary of 9/11. No big deal. No one seemed overly on edge or testy, and that includes the security types. If not for all the specials running on the news stations, broadcast on TVs throughout the airports, I would not have known the day had any grave significance. For the record, where was I when it all went down? I was in Southville, woken by a phone call from my sister. The first plane had already hit. I shook off my hangover (9/12 was the first day of classes, so everyone was out 9/10 partying one more time) and woke my roommate Andy. Like everyone else, we glued ourselves to the TV the rest of the day and wondered what the new world would be like. Then it was huge, now it’s history. We’ve adjusted (or have we?). This September 11th, I was calm, cool, and collected.

Let’s talk about that for a minute - Calm, Cool, and Collected. This is exactly what I have not been over the past two months, ever since returning from my 30th Birthday Extravaganza in Central America. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to describe how I’ve been feeling, and I have thought of many, but the best single word for it is misaligned. I’ve felt like a stranger in my own head, behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic of me, a Twilight Zone version of myself. Now it’s not odd for me to experience short bouts of mild mental weirdness – it usually happens just after the occasional bender or before an extended term of travel, but this was consistent for two solid months, and not what I would call mild. Funny thing is, this state dissipated completely as soon as I hopped in the cab for the airport on September 11th, and I’m so glad that it did. In hindsight, I see that a variety of factors created and affected this misalignment, that I will only mention briefly (you should know better than to look for deep introspection here – I’ve done it, but will not share it): my 30th birthday and the self-examination that comes along with a significant birthday; the process of making plans for the next couple of years, which will hopefully include graduate school; the unpleasant end of a relationship; the realization that my circle of friends seems to be steadily shrinking, and that the time I spend with one of my best friends is quite often very counter-productive; problems at work, with my house, with my tenants, with my car; weekends too full of visitors, road trips, weddings, and partying – not enough down time. Whew. One more thing – I think that in my 30th Birthday Extravaganza I gave myself something of a white elephant. It was too much fun, too stimulating, for too long, and reminded me of how simple and enjoyable life was when I lived in Central America for a year. The catalyst for my misalignment might have been that I did not resettle into my “home-state” upon my return. I was dissatisfied with that state. Leaving town again removed me from it, hence the return to myself. Now, question is, how will I feel when I get back from this trip? I’ll worry about that when I get there. For the time being, anyone who might have been a little concerned for me, or noticed that I might have been a bit off, fear not – I am now re-aligned.

More tomorrow - I'm jet-lagged as hell and need sleep.